I thought i'd write a few thoughts down first. Yes i know this isn't my diary, but bear with me, i have a point to make and stuff. And no, i don't actually have a bear with me.
As i've gotten progressively older, more wiser, more manly and having a good shave every month or so to prove said increasing manliness, i've come to look upon the holidays with an increasing air of quiet desparation, the type not unknown to John Prescott's bedsprings.
Gone are the days when the summer basically consisted of continuous piss ups on strongbow in the local park. No more are the great continuous days on end replaying of classic games like GTA San Andreas. Tidings of regretful passing must be shown to the epic, midsummer gigs at the local town hall and the pubs that snuck drink to underagers at the bar, who'd go and get so drunk after a few jaegerbombs and then try and piss right in front of all the smokers in their courtyard. Adios, Sayonara and Farewell to laughing at all the wankers sweltering and turning beetroot red in their dark business suits.
And that's where my current chip on the shoulder is coming from; i am now one of those wankers. There's aI suppose i have to grow up and accept the responsibility, and i can't just have things handed to me on a plate anymore, but the crux of it all is that i can't bear to think that within a few years my life might be nothing but a world of P45s, personal fucking targets, and false enthusiasm that is drilled into us by team leaders spawned from Midas' wife's golden vagina.
I suppose the money is good though, and when you think about it nostalgia is a dangerous rose tinted lense and not to be trusted. It was bloody Pol Pot's love for Cambodia's medieval age of nothing but paddy fields that led that mad fucker to kill thousands (I say that though, but i'm just a speccy eejit, and he hated lads like me, so i've got a biased. I'm always interested in meeting the fine person who rises to the Saviour of the Cambodian Proletariat's defense though!)
Anyway, to take my mind off a potential late teens crisis or whatever my convoluted neuroses is fretting over next, i have recently joined a gym, which is an entertaining experience to say the least. There is something almost sacred about the gym - not just in the way people make it the focus of their life, but in their behaviour their too. Now, i cannot say the same for every gym everywhere, as that would mean i have been to every one in our fair isle, akin to a enraged feline who must simply destroy the whole nest of birds for the fun of it. But There is little to no chatter at all going on there, even when it is busy. It's almost churchlike in the way it is unheard of - as if everyone is devoting themselves, mind and soul, to Apollo, Hercules or some other effeminate metaphor. The machines are your pews, the mirrors are the altar, as your reflection will gradually change into what popular culture desires for men to look like. It can even be said that the blaring loop of happy hardcore music which doesn't strike a chord with 99% of people there are the Temple's hymns. The loop of 8 songs adds further credence, as these mangled trancey versions of 'Bridge over Troubled Water' (OH GOD NO.) and Put a Donk On It seem to be some sort of proscribed set for our beliefs, namely that of dancing like morons once the work out is over, and holding the extremist belief that God commanded Isaac to put a donk on the Sodomites.
I may seem to be making some sort of spiritual link here, but after you get over the initial thought of 'ohgodhowdidigetherewhyamidoingthistomyselfiamnotgoodwithcomputer'. You do end up feeling really good afterwards, at the least. TBH, it certainly isn't spiritual really. It's just the place for those trapped by soceities' expectations and sneers go to give in, give up, and redeem themselves.
Plus they also have Put a Donk on It playing, which is well sik bruv.
--PP
--Afternote: Goodnight MJ. Hope the dude's found some peace.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
My 3-point plan to save television
We all know that T.V is shit.
A dead medium, right now there are many millions of people on the internet more than watching Bell's invention.
But television is also like an old friend, you used to be good mates untill you started hanging out with his cooler broadband brother. And you still visit him ocasionally just to check up.
When we do visit our old mate though he's just broadcasting mind numbing, reach-as-many-viewers-as-possible-before-they-notice-its-all-balls-and-there-hasn't-been-anything-that-good-on-for-years, mundane tripe.
When was the last time you can remember watching terestrial T.V and being really interested? Actually caring what was going to happen rather than just waiting for the programe to finish for your mum's sake?
Music has always been an important part of our culture- from medieaval jesters with their lutes to the 19th century cockney family round the "al' joanna" to today's drug soaked clubs, and the level of coverage offered to it by television is dispicable.
Not since Top of the Pops finished have the terestrial T.V watchers of the nation had an outlet to watch up-to-date pop music. The best you can hope for is five minutes at the end of Jonathan Ross's chat show or stay up burning the morning oil to watch Jool's Holland.
So heres my suggestion to save T.V -are you listening BBC?- 1. Bring back Top of The Pops ridiculous presenters and all. It was always meant to be for kids and kids like crap music, everyone does when they're a kid, so put on all the charts on TOTP and occasionally a band the grown-ups will like.
2.Get Jools Holland's show on at a reasonable prime-time slot. The only time most people have the chance to hear new music is on the radio if they're driving somewhere, bring it back to peoples living rooms.
3. And lets get musicians into everyday sort of situations. Why not Morrisey running a fruit and veg stall in Eastenders for a couple of episodes? Or Pete Doherty on a cooking programme explaing how to make Tiramasu? Or even the Arctic Monkeys entering the Eurovision song contest?
Well, maybe not the last one...
A dead medium, right now there are many millions of people on the internet more than watching Bell's invention.
But television is also like an old friend, you used to be good mates untill you started hanging out with his cooler broadband brother. And you still visit him ocasionally just to check up.
When we do visit our old mate though he's just broadcasting mind numbing, reach-as-many-viewers-as-possible-before-they-notice-its-all-balls-and-there-hasn't-been-anything-that-good-on-for-years, mundane tripe.
When was the last time you can remember watching terestrial T.V and being really interested? Actually caring what was going to happen rather than just waiting for the programe to finish for your mum's sake?
Music has always been an important part of our culture- from medieaval jesters with their lutes to the 19th century cockney family round the "al' joanna" to today's drug soaked clubs, and the level of coverage offered to it by television is dispicable.
Not since Top of the Pops finished have the terestrial T.V watchers of the nation had an outlet to watch up-to-date pop music. The best you can hope for is five minutes at the end of Jonathan Ross's chat show or stay up burning the morning oil to watch Jool's Holland.
So heres my suggestion to save T.V -are you listening BBC?- 1. Bring back Top of The Pops ridiculous presenters and all. It was always meant to be for kids and kids like crap music, everyone does when they're a kid, so put on all the charts on TOTP and occasionally a band the grown-ups will like.
2.Get Jools Holland's show on at a reasonable prime-time slot. The only time most people have the chance to hear new music is on the radio if they're driving somewhere, bring it back to peoples living rooms.
3. And lets get musicians into everyday sort of situations. Why not Morrisey running a fruit and veg stall in Eastenders for a couple of episodes? Or Pete Doherty on a cooking programme explaing how to make Tiramasu? Or even the Arctic Monkeys entering the Eurovision song contest?
Well, maybe not the last one...
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Tranformers -Revenge of the fallen
There are many things a man may fight for, love of his country, revenge or the allspark, creator of all life...like ever. This is Micheal Bay's second outing into the Transformers series and after the huge success of his last film with its fantastic blend of a teenage ROM com with sentient robotic beings kicking the coolant out of each other thrown into the mix; expectations were pretty high for the sequel.
The films plot is somewhat Jumpier, and forgive the obvious ridiculousness of what i am about to say, less realistic. Basically the good old autobots (originals like Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, Iron Hide) are all still on earth and have teamed up with the American and for some elusive reason British special forces to create NEST, the much loved task force from the cartoons. A few new auto bots are on the scene. Three take the form of motorbikes and have feminine personalities. Also two robots known as the twins have made their way onto the scene.
For any one familiar with the hatred Jar Jar binx received after SWe1 times it by 10,000 and you will share the distaste i felt for these two. It was unnecessary and ineffective comic relief the film suffered greatly for it.
That's not all that was bad, Bay's direction is terrible in the emotional scenes, at the death of a very central character i was complacent and not really upset at all, and i am a lifelong fan of the franchise. It was poorly pieced together there were massive plot holes. Unexplained time lapse and sam pulling a combat knife out of thin air stuck in my mind, at one point involving a taser i actually made myself roll my eyes. The worst however was the insertion of a new kind of deceptacon, disguised as a beautiful girl who nearly assassinate sam, but then is gone soon after her brief yet huge amount of screen time.
Shia Le Beouf and Megan Fox's obvious chemistry seems less obvious initially with Le Beouf's character Sam Widwicky appearing more confident (the status quo returns in later scene). The pair's acting talent shows throughout the film and was extremely compelling it could have saved the film were it not for the poorly edited soundtrack which gave most of the film a cheesy second last scene of Armageddon kind of feel to it.
The Film had obvious shortcomings and as a true fan of the franchise it was a huge leap for me to admit to being a fan of the first blockbuster film and i really have been excited about a sequal since i saw the original but now i feel betrayed.
With a third film in the works lets just hope this trilogy is like Indiana Jones good to start, Poor In between, Great to finish. Fans of the original should go but don't expect to prove me wrong, i went in with a mind more open than a monk on acid and i was sorely disappointed.
One and a half eggs out of five.
Gonzo
The films plot is somewhat Jumpier, and forgive the obvious ridiculousness of what i am about to say, less realistic. Basically the good old autobots (originals like Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, Iron Hide) are all still on earth and have teamed up with the American and for some elusive reason British special forces to create NEST, the much loved task force from the cartoons. A few new auto bots are on the scene. Three take the form of motorbikes and have feminine personalities. Also two robots known as the twins have made their way onto the scene.
For any one familiar with the hatred Jar Jar binx received after SWe1 times it by 10,000 and you will share the distaste i felt for these two. It was unnecessary and ineffective comic relief the film suffered greatly for it.
That's not all that was bad, Bay's direction is terrible in the emotional scenes, at the death of a very central character i was complacent and not really upset at all, and i am a lifelong fan of the franchise. It was poorly pieced together there were massive plot holes. Unexplained time lapse and sam pulling a combat knife out of thin air stuck in my mind, at one point involving a taser i actually made myself roll my eyes. The worst however was the insertion of a new kind of deceptacon, disguised as a beautiful girl who nearly assassinate sam, but then is gone soon after her brief yet huge amount of screen time.
Shia Le Beouf and Megan Fox's obvious chemistry seems less obvious initially with Le Beouf's character Sam Widwicky appearing more confident (the status quo returns in later scene). The pair's acting talent shows throughout the film and was extremely compelling it could have saved the film were it not for the poorly edited soundtrack which gave most of the film a cheesy second last scene of Armageddon kind of feel to it.
The Film had obvious shortcomings and as a true fan of the franchise it was a huge leap for me to admit to being a fan of the first blockbuster film and i really have been excited about a sequal since i saw the original but now i feel betrayed.
With a third film in the works lets just hope this trilogy is like Indiana Jones good to start, Poor In between, Great to finish. Fans of the original should go but don't expect to prove me wrong, i went in with a mind more open than a monk on acid and i was sorely disappointed.
One and a half eggs out of five.
Gonzo
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Gordon Ramsay and that naked swine quine.
The Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has criticised TV star Gordon Ramsay after the chef made insulting remarks about TV host Tracy Grimshaw.
Ramsay, who appeared on Grimshaw's TV show on Friday, made the comments at a Melbourne food fair the following day. He showed an image of a nude woman on all fours with a pig's face and likened the image to Grimshaw.
Mr Rudd said Ramsay's remarks reflected "a new form of low life". Ramsay has played this down saying his comments had been "blown out of context". Mr Ramsay believes this because he is among the most arrogant of gods (Buddha’s, Mohamed's, Giant Pumpkin’s) creatures. I mean really Gordon (why is every Gordon we know a git?) your comments don’t count for much anyway here. You likened the woman to the image of a naked pig humanoid that was crawling around a floor. If you showed me that picture and said Grimshaw’s name, I would be thinking of that picture every time I heard her name, even if you were speaking about her wonderful charity work, I would still think...Hmmm where have I heard that name? Oh aye the naked swine quine.
God bless you Australia, personally I hope you sue the ostentatious cook for every single pound sterling he has squeezed out of the worlds collective pocket and a couple more.
Ramsay, who appeared on Grimshaw's TV show on Friday, made the comments at a Melbourne food fair the following day. He showed an image of a nude woman on all fours with a pig's face and likened the image to Grimshaw.
Mr Rudd said Ramsay's remarks reflected "a new form of low life". Ramsay has played this down saying his comments had been "blown out of context". Mr Ramsay believes this because he is among the most arrogant of gods (Buddha’s, Mohamed's, Giant Pumpkin’s) creatures. I mean really Gordon (why is every Gordon we know a git?) your comments don’t count for much anyway here. You likened the woman to the image of a naked pig humanoid that was crawling around a floor. If you showed me that picture and said Grimshaw’s name, I would be thinking of that picture every time I heard her name, even if you were speaking about her wonderful charity work, I would still think...Hmmm where have I heard that name? Oh aye the naked swine quine.
God bless you Australia, personally I hope you sue the ostentatious cook for every single pound sterling he has squeezed out of the worlds collective pocket and a couple more.
Ace the Lines
The French once looked upon prodigy Richard Gasquet as their brightest and most promising asset in tennis. At No.20 in the ATP rankings many say he is underachieving, fans would question Gasquet’s mental fitness, his belief in himself, his heart and his desire to succeed. Now the charismatic Frenchman has been branded a ‘cokehead’. After testing positive for Cocaine earlier this year he has adamantly denied consuming the Class A drug.
Thought to have the most effective and eye-pleasing one-handed backhand in tennis, fans have sorely missed his presence in recent major tournaments. This also raises questions over doping laws in sport and whether the officials who make these laws and enforce them are practising with the right intentions as far as the sport itself is concerned.
Officials now have the right to test athletes at any given time, this is considered by many as an invasion of privacy and many figures in tennis have spoken out against the regime. Others argue that players have a responsibility as role models and professionals. In the case of Richard Gasquet the issue that creates the problem is being overlooked.
Pressure is difficult to deal with, whether you’re a world class tennis player trying to win Grand Slams or a rag and bone man selling broken fridges to feed your offspring. If Gasquet is guilty of cocaine consumption we have to ask ourselves why? It could be the fact that he has been under the public eye since the age of 9, it could be because he missed out on his childhood because of his forced devotion to the sport.
Once tipped to be the greatest French tennis player since Rene Lacoste, Gasquet is France’s 4th best tennis player according to the current ranking system. He may wear Lacoste’s clothing brand but is a long way off competing with his legacy.
Gasquet could face a two-year ban from competitive tennis, this time would allow him to question his hunger for success and his love for tennis as a sport. There’s no doubt the tennis world would have patience and welcome back Ree-shard in the hope that he could fulfil his potential and become a tennis great.
Thought to have the most effective and eye-pleasing one-handed backhand in tennis, fans have sorely missed his presence in recent major tournaments. This also raises questions over doping laws in sport and whether the officials who make these laws and enforce them are practising with the right intentions as far as the sport itself is concerned.
Officials now have the right to test athletes at any given time, this is considered by many as an invasion of privacy and many figures in tennis have spoken out against the regime. Others argue that players have a responsibility as role models and professionals. In the case of Richard Gasquet the issue that creates the problem is being overlooked.
Pressure is difficult to deal with, whether you’re a world class tennis player trying to win Grand Slams or a rag and bone man selling broken fridges to feed your offspring. If Gasquet is guilty of cocaine consumption we have to ask ourselves why? It could be the fact that he has been under the public eye since the age of 9, it could be because he missed out on his childhood because of his forced devotion to the sport.
Once tipped to be the greatest French tennis player since Rene Lacoste, Gasquet is France’s 4th best tennis player according to the current ranking system. He may wear Lacoste’s clothing brand but is a long way off competing with his legacy.
Gasquet could face a two-year ban from competitive tennis, this time would allow him to question his hunger for success and his love for tennis as a sport. There’s no doubt the tennis world would have patience and welcome back Ree-shard in the hope that he could fulfil his potential and become a tennis great.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Graham Coxon- The Spinning Top review
I have a secret to confess.
You may think its unfashionable to say or even wrong. I like Britpop.
These days, Britpop is considered a byword for untastefull crap, common people and very big houses in the country, Tony Blair and Parkas. If one bastion of "Cool Britania" doesn't deserve this levelled at him its Graham Coxon.
Even at the time, the Blur Guitarist was the anti-Britpop, sulking in a haystack in the "Country House" video or staying out of the ridiculous Blur-Oasis feud. And now hes made his best solo album to date.
What makes "The Spinning Top" so great is the way each song conveys a different emotion more aptly than almost any album I've heard.
The first two tracks convey the simple joy of merely being alive, Coxon's finger-picking guitar style sweeps over you like audial opium. However it won't be these tracks that sell the album to you as the best of 2009 so far.
"In the Morning" is almost perfect. A sweet aucstic lullabye that makes you feel eveything will be alright in the end. Lines like "Theres a melody in every line/ and a sorrow in these eyes of mine/ if a diamond hangs from evey tree and a life is lost for every leaf can a bird still sing?" sung in a beautifull estury croon makes you wonder why Albarn was ever the frontman. Its by far the standout track of the album.
Other highlights come with "Brave the Storm" and "Home", two other elegant accoustic ditties.
The most "rockin'" Coxon gets is with "Dead Bees". He picks up his trusty Telecaster and gives you a song that would have happily fitted in on a later Blur album, perhaps as a b-side to "Beetlebum".
The reccord does suffer from a couple of tracks that could have been shaved off, notably "Caspian sea" and the single "Sorrow's Army". "Caspian sea" is to put plainly boring and suffers from terrible production with stupidly overdubbed guitars that make it sound like some prog-rock reject. Similarly "Sorrows's Army" is boring but in a different way, you're left waiting for the big hook that never comes and are just rewarded with a slightly more obvious drum beat.
With 16 tracks and clocking in at over an hour long "The Spinning Top" could be regarded as pretentious but the opposite is true.
Now listen: go out and buy this album, while you're at it buy "Parklife" as well.
You may think its unfashionable to say or even wrong. I like Britpop.
These days, Britpop is considered a byword for untastefull crap, common people and very big houses in the country, Tony Blair and Parkas. If one bastion of "Cool Britania" doesn't deserve this levelled at him its Graham Coxon.
Even at the time, the Blur Guitarist was the anti-Britpop, sulking in a haystack in the "Country House" video or staying out of the ridiculous Blur-Oasis feud. And now hes made his best solo album to date.
What makes "The Spinning Top" so great is the way each song conveys a different emotion more aptly than almost any album I've heard.
The first two tracks convey the simple joy of merely being alive, Coxon's finger-picking guitar style sweeps over you like audial opium. However it won't be these tracks that sell the album to you as the best of 2009 so far.
"In the Morning" is almost perfect. A sweet aucstic lullabye that makes you feel eveything will be alright in the end. Lines like "Theres a melody in every line/ and a sorrow in these eyes of mine/ if a diamond hangs from evey tree and a life is lost for every leaf can a bird still sing?" sung in a beautifull estury croon makes you wonder why Albarn was ever the frontman. Its by far the standout track of the album.
Other highlights come with "Brave the Storm" and "Home", two other elegant accoustic ditties.
The most "rockin'" Coxon gets is with "Dead Bees". He picks up his trusty Telecaster and gives you a song that would have happily fitted in on a later Blur album, perhaps as a b-side to "Beetlebum".
The reccord does suffer from a couple of tracks that could have been shaved off, notably "Caspian sea" and the single "Sorrow's Army". "Caspian sea" is to put plainly boring and suffers from terrible production with stupidly overdubbed guitars that make it sound like some prog-rock reject. Similarly "Sorrows's Army" is boring but in a different way, you're left waiting for the big hook that never comes and are just rewarded with a slightly more obvious drum beat.
With 16 tracks and clocking in at over an hour long "The Spinning Top" could be regarded as pretentious but the opposite is true.
Now listen: go out and buy this album, while you're at it buy "Parklife" as well.
Monday, June 08, 2009
Quick look at the days News
Gordon Brown still refuses to quit after further calls from his own ministers. Some would say this was cowardly, Gonzo concurs.
The EP results are in and the tory's have won over all with the SNP taking the popular vote in scotland but thanks to a poorly crafted political system this means they are only rewarded withe the same number of seats as Labour, who came second. Also BNP managed to secure two seats in England. To be fair until Sunrise has chucked in his two cents about the whole thing i will probably remain quite apathetic to the whole thing.
Real IRA leader Michael McKevitt and three other men were ruled as being responsible for the Omagh bombing in 1998 a landmark case has ruled today. Mr Justice Morgan made the ruling at the High Court in Belfast after a landmark civil case brought by some of the families of the victims of the atrocity.
The 12 relatives were awarded more than £1.6m in damages for the attack. Many claim the families are just trying to make money off their dead. The people who belive this though are known by highly recomended sources to be tossers of the highest order who cant accept that there are some people in the world capable of human feelings towards their fellow man.
More fear mongering in the form of swine flu arrived today in the scottish news, but to be honest who actually has a clue what the deal with swine flu is. Maybe we need a health correspondent.
The most boring show on television with the most punchable man in britain concluded last night when Sir Allan Shuga babez appointed Yasmina Siadatan to be his new apprentice. However what will that entail now that the Big A to the S has become a government lacky? Gonzo is skeptical and hopes that she was at least given a nice cake for managing not to kick big Al in the nads.
David Blunkett (former tosser) has been injured by a cow in Derybyshire. The incident happened on Saturday while the Sheffield MP was out walking on his 62nd birthday with his guide dog Sadie in the Peak District.
It is believed the cow ran at the dog and while trying to protect her, the ex home secetary fell and was trampled.
He suffered a broken rib and "painful bruising" but was declared well enough to attend a Labour Party meeting later.
Mr Blunkett said the incident gave him in new insight into Labour's problems. Yea well being face down, blind in a pile of cow shit is a pretty stunning metaphor for labour in my mind.
Apple has updated its successful iPhone and introduced price cuts for older models at its developers conference. The move stunned the world of Gadget freaks as now less well of people will also be as baffled and confused by the ridiculously overprogrammed machine.
And finnaly The E3 confrence for Video games has reveled a host of new ways for all of us to waste vast ammounts of our time. Someone is going to write that up i hear.
The EP results are in and the tory's have won over all with the SNP taking the popular vote in scotland but thanks to a poorly crafted political system this means they are only rewarded withe the same number of seats as Labour, who came second. Also BNP managed to secure two seats in England. To be fair until Sunrise has chucked in his two cents about the whole thing i will probably remain quite apathetic to the whole thing.
Real IRA leader Michael McKevitt and three other men were ruled as being responsible for the Omagh bombing in 1998 a landmark case has ruled today. Mr Justice Morgan made the ruling at the High Court in Belfast after a landmark civil case brought by some of the families of the victims of the atrocity.
The 12 relatives were awarded more than £1.6m in damages for the attack. Many claim the families are just trying to make money off their dead. The people who belive this though are known by highly recomended sources to be tossers of the highest order who cant accept that there are some people in the world capable of human feelings towards their fellow man.
More fear mongering in the form of swine flu arrived today in the scottish news, but to be honest who actually has a clue what the deal with swine flu is. Maybe we need a health correspondent.
The most boring show on television with the most punchable man in britain concluded last night when Sir Allan Shuga babez appointed Yasmina Siadatan to be his new apprentice. However what will that entail now that the Big A to the S has become a government lacky? Gonzo is skeptical and hopes that she was at least given a nice cake for managing not to kick big Al in the nads.
David Blunkett (former tosser) has been injured by a cow in Derybyshire. The incident happened on Saturday while the Sheffield MP was out walking on his 62nd birthday with his guide dog Sadie in the Peak District.
It is believed the cow ran at the dog and while trying to protect her, the ex home secetary fell and was trampled.
He suffered a broken rib and "painful bruising" but was declared well enough to attend a Labour Party meeting later.
Mr Blunkett said the incident gave him in new insight into Labour's problems. Yea well being face down, blind in a pile of cow shit is a pretty stunning metaphor for labour in my mind.
Apple has updated its successful iPhone and introduced price cuts for older models at its developers conference. The move stunned the world of Gadget freaks as now less well of people will also be as baffled and confused by the ridiculously overprogrammed machine.
And finnaly The E3 confrence for Video games has reveled a host of new ways for all of us to waste vast ammounts of our time. Someone is going to write that up i hear.
Why nuclear missiles are super!
When the subject of nuclear weapons is raised people always react differently. Some nod their heads and mumble bleak things about necessity. Others march in mass against them stating them to be unnecessary brutal and indiscriminate. Then there are some who feel safe, nostalgic and glad they exist. I am one of these people. It is not what they are capable of that I am a fan of. We all know they are made to murder thousands even millions of people with a single blast and the humanity in us is enraged by this. Nuclear weapons ended the bloodiest conflict in the history of the world when they were dropped on Japan. However if it were not for there existence what would the world be like today?
After the bomb was dropped the iron curtain swished shut with a flourish of backroom politics and conspiracy theories that would keep Ian Fleming and his peers in cocktails and European sports cars for centuries. Paranoia permeated peoples of both sides. Governments built themselves handsome bunkers equipped to survive the fallout of war with these weapons, as did some private individuals the so called “survivalists”. Things looked pretty grim as a man made apocalypse looked pretty plausible.
Yet the chances of a war similar to ww2 or any war before hand were ended.
The only superpowers left with the manpower for beginning world war three were the USSR, the UK and the USA. The latter two candidates had nuclear weapons and a strong allegiance already and soviet Russia, with help from captured scientists pretty soon had the world’s largest atomic arsenal.
This really made no difference because even if they did strike first, the US and UK would completely level every inch of the Soviet Union before one glorious note of Gimn Sovetskogo Soyuza could sound. It would be known as the cold war, but really it was just a grand game of chicken that both sides kept pulling out of at the last second.
So for the first time in nearly five hundred years the UK had no empire, was on the brink of no war that required vast amounts of man power and so no longer would all men of a certain age need to join the army. The welfare state was more important to the public than rule Britannia and they wanted to start bettering their own lives.
People began going crazy over the new aristocracy. Celebrities. These were common folk, it was a billion times more enchanting than the prince and the pauper story because people could see it, hear it happening. Beatle mania began making the headlines, Art became far more risqué more antiestablishment, symbols of free love and caring became synonymous with the 1960s. It was like a second renaissance all over the western world and it was all thanks to DR J. Robert Oppenheimer’s gift of nuclear arms to the world.
Basically the fear that was felt by the east and west when the considered the consequences of all out Nuclear war was what kept it from ever happening, they had too much to loose. What’s to say that if these weapons had never existed the Soviets and the capitalist US and UK would have clashed later? History. Two superpowers with complete polar opposite ideals have never survived at the same time. There have always been wars to allow only one major set of principles to influence the human race. This is exactly what would have happened if no one had had nuclear weapons at this time in history. Britain would always be in a state of war. Who with after Russia, assuming they won? China? America? Thankfully we will never have to know because as long as everyone knows everyone else has nuclear weapons, they are never going to risk a war over something like ideals.
I am a liberal and would love to be as optimistic as some who talk about world wide disarmament of these appalling weapons and imagine we would all just get along but I cannot because I am also a realist. It is in human nature to fight and the only thing that has stopped it happening on a mass scale for the last 70 years is that fear of a man made apocalypse I mentioned earlier.
After the bomb was dropped the iron curtain swished shut with a flourish of backroom politics and conspiracy theories that would keep Ian Fleming and his peers in cocktails and European sports cars for centuries. Paranoia permeated peoples of both sides. Governments built themselves handsome bunkers equipped to survive the fallout of war with these weapons, as did some private individuals the so called “survivalists”. Things looked pretty grim as a man made apocalypse looked pretty plausible.
Yet the chances of a war similar to ww2 or any war before hand were ended.
The only superpowers left with the manpower for beginning world war three were the USSR, the UK and the USA. The latter two candidates had nuclear weapons and a strong allegiance already and soviet Russia, with help from captured scientists pretty soon had the world’s largest atomic arsenal.
This really made no difference because even if they did strike first, the US and UK would completely level every inch of the Soviet Union before one glorious note of Gimn Sovetskogo Soyuza could sound. It would be known as the cold war, but really it was just a grand game of chicken that both sides kept pulling out of at the last second.
So for the first time in nearly five hundred years the UK had no empire, was on the brink of no war that required vast amounts of man power and so no longer would all men of a certain age need to join the army. The welfare state was more important to the public than rule Britannia and they wanted to start bettering their own lives.
People began going crazy over the new aristocracy. Celebrities. These were common folk, it was a billion times more enchanting than the prince and the pauper story because people could see it, hear it happening. Beatle mania began making the headlines, Art became far more risqué more antiestablishment, symbols of free love and caring became synonymous with the 1960s. It was like a second renaissance all over the western world and it was all thanks to DR J. Robert Oppenheimer’s gift of nuclear arms to the world.
Basically the fear that was felt by the east and west when the considered the consequences of all out Nuclear war was what kept it from ever happening, they had too much to loose. What’s to say that if these weapons had never existed the Soviets and the capitalist US and UK would have clashed later? History. Two superpowers with complete polar opposite ideals have never survived at the same time. There have always been wars to allow only one major set of principles to influence the human race. This is exactly what would have happened if no one had had nuclear weapons at this time in history. Britain would always be in a state of war. Who with after Russia, assuming they won? China? America? Thankfully we will never have to know because as long as everyone knows everyone else has nuclear weapons, they are never going to risk a war over something like ideals.
I am a liberal and would love to be as optimistic as some who talk about world wide disarmament of these appalling weapons and imagine we would all just get along but I cannot because I am also a realist. It is in human nature to fight and the only thing that has stopped it happening on a mass scale for the last 70 years is that fear of a man made apocalypse I mentioned earlier.
Midwich Herald Team
The Esteemed Midwhich Herald would like to anounce expansion. Several new chaps shall soon be contributing with news, reviews, views and anything else that forms rhyming triplets.
"That old Flanders place gives me the creeps."
I would write something here, but frankly i'm too tired and i'm too scared that the creepy kids from that book and film that this cracking wee site is named after will see what we're doing and send me to live in a tiny 2 foot tall cell with JFK and Jimmy Hoffa mining a spice mine on kessel with OJ Simpson as our evil whip brandishing overseer. And the mine is run by an ancient jewish monetary group who are in cahoots with Aliens to abduct private citizens, make fluride in our drinking water carcinogenic, make UKIP the major party of the UK with Robert Kilroy-Silk as our Glorious leader. If i refuse, i'll be sent back in time to die on the Titanic which wasn't really the titanic anyway because it was insurance fraud gone wrong by White Star Line Shipping Co. I know this is true, because why would anyone make up such a convoluted and crazy tale?!
Um, yeh. So the guy who made this blog and insists we keep our identities secret like some sort of Pseudo-Vs for Vendettassssss wants me to write stuff on here for the benefit of anyone looking at it, which will probably consist of mostly middle age conservative voters who were only searching google for Middlesex Herald.
Anyway, watch this space, hope to get some reviews of various things up soon, i'm only messing with you, i'm not that deranged.
Well, maybe just a little.
-PP
Um, yeh. So the guy who made this blog and insists we keep our identities secret like some sort of Pseudo-Vs for Vendettassssss wants me to write stuff on here for the benefit of anyone looking at it, which will probably consist of mostly middle age conservative voters who were only searching google for Middlesex Herald.
Anyway, watch this space, hope to get some reviews of various things up soon, i'm only messing with you, i'm not that deranged.
Well, maybe just a little.
-PP
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Hassle and Bussle
A statistic came into my mind, as the furious spikey haired driver of a fiat punto gave me the victory sign. People now walk 20% faster than they used to. Judging from obesity figures and heart disease statistics; this is not due to greater levels of fitness. It’s due to a greater level of, well I honestly don’t know. Try as I might to ignore it, this statistic bothered me the whole way home incessantly popping into my head as I crossed the road. I wanted to know what suddenly made the world get itself into such a hurry.
The niggling fact remained in my head because I was reflecting on what reason existed to explain why the amount of times I have nearly been flattened in the street by drivers trying to get to their destinations a nano second quicker is becoming disquietingly common. Its not just drivers that seem determined to move me forcibly and quickly out of their way. People walking along the street, guzzling a grande crapuchino adagio from Costly Coffee while yelling down their phone as if actually trying to make everyone aware that they own a “Cell”, are prone to knocking me out of the way and not even noticing.
I was brought up to be staunchly polite: for instance if someone stands on my foot I will immediately say sorry. Why do I do this? Because I know that the other person won’t apologise and it just makes my life slightly easier? No its laziness. I can’t be bothered. I really should rant, tell them off and make my bluebottle esq voice heard or maybe the next time someone revs their engine and speeds up in my general direction I should stand there and see if they will run me over (audible sigh) all I want is a reason why the world moves so fast and has begun to ignore common courtesy; replacing it with plain rudeness. This might sound odd coming from a teenager because I have grown up in this hyper paced world and it is generally people of my generation that are guilty of this stressful quick existence.
What are we trying to do? I surmise it’s partly to do with how we have all converted to the church of Visa and it’s magical “Material world”. We want to consume as many goods as we can, own as many chattels as humanly possible, plus a few more. How do we achieve this? We spend as much money as our wages, salaries, loans overdrafts, credit cards and spare organs can get away with. People work themselves stupid cramming in as many hours as possible so they can buy more Ikea made throw cuchions. They go to the gym in pursuit of their ideal body in the hope of attracting a partner and when they cant do it they feel worthless because Hollywood and other pillars of the church of Visa try and make us believe that if we are not all the same we are worthless.
The problems created by the ridiculous stressful life people lead are not just that of rudeness and of inconsiderance. They have started to present themselves in peoples health. More and more people are dying young from stress enduced diseases such as heart attacks and high blood pressure. Also the second highest cause of death for males in Scotland is suicide next only to road accidents both of which have obvious parallels with stress induced situations.
A lot of people are probably thinking: Uh huh so what? Live for the moment, better to burn out than fade away, Carpet Dee m. However I don’t understand it. You can’t enjoy life if you are constantly stressed out. If you spend all your life trying to achieve and aquire things, you will never have any time to relish that which you work so hard for. I don’t know what’s going on in every single one of your lives and quite frankly I don’t care. I’m not trying to make people stand back and evaluate their life’s or anything quite as condescending as that. I simply want people to learn some manners and stop trying to run me over when I just went down to the shops to buy some milk.
The niggling fact remained in my head because I was reflecting on what reason existed to explain why the amount of times I have nearly been flattened in the street by drivers trying to get to their destinations a nano second quicker is becoming disquietingly common. Its not just drivers that seem determined to move me forcibly and quickly out of their way. People walking along the street, guzzling a grande crapuchino adagio from Costly Coffee while yelling down their phone as if actually trying to make everyone aware that they own a “Cell”, are prone to knocking me out of the way and not even noticing.
I was brought up to be staunchly polite: for instance if someone stands on my foot I will immediately say sorry. Why do I do this? Because I know that the other person won’t apologise and it just makes my life slightly easier? No its laziness. I can’t be bothered. I really should rant, tell them off and make my bluebottle esq voice heard or maybe the next time someone revs their engine and speeds up in my general direction I should stand there and see if they will run me over (audible sigh) all I want is a reason why the world moves so fast and has begun to ignore common courtesy; replacing it with plain rudeness. This might sound odd coming from a teenager because I have grown up in this hyper paced world and it is generally people of my generation that are guilty of this stressful quick existence.
What are we trying to do? I surmise it’s partly to do with how we have all converted to the church of Visa and it’s magical “Material world”. We want to consume as many goods as we can, own as many chattels as humanly possible, plus a few more. How do we achieve this? We spend as much money as our wages, salaries, loans overdrafts, credit cards and spare organs can get away with. People work themselves stupid cramming in as many hours as possible so they can buy more Ikea made throw cuchions. They go to the gym in pursuit of their ideal body in the hope of attracting a partner and when they cant do it they feel worthless because Hollywood and other pillars of the church of Visa try and make us believe that if we are not all the same we are worthless.
The problems created by the ridiculous stressful life people lead are not just that of rudeness and of inconsiderance. They have started to present themselves in peoples health. More and more people are dying young from stress enduced diseases such as heart attacks and high blood pressure. Also the second highest cause of death for males in Scotland is suicide next only to road accidents both of which have obvious parallels with stress induced situations.
A lot of people are probably thinking: Uh huh so what? Live for the moment, better to burn out than fade away, Carpet Dee m. However I don’t understand it. You can’t enjoy life if you are constantly stressed out. If you spend all your life trying to achieve and aquire things, you will never have any time to relish that which you work so hard for. I don’t know what’s going on in every single one of your lives and quite frankly I don’t care. I’m not trying to make people stand back and evaluate their life’s or anything quite as condescending as that. I simply want people to learn some manners and stop trying to run me over when I just went down to the shops to buy some milk.
For Your… Protection?
(Curfew): 1. a regulation requiring certain or all people to leave the streets or be at home at a prescribed hour.
Anyone who has read George Orwell’s 1984 knows that words like the aforementioned are designed to restrict the liberties of citizens and a way of ruling by fear. The Gestapo and SS employed such tactics to suppress the populace throughout the Third Reich. During WW2 London had a curfew on the streets to keep people safe from the blitz. Northern Ireland had colour coded curfews in areas that were potential hotspots for sectarian violence during the troubles. Curfews are obviously only needed during times of extreme danger to the population of an area. So why is there a facebook group lobbying something called the Aberdeen Curfew?
As of September 2009 licensed premises throughout the city will not be allowed to admit anyone after half past midnight. Police presence in the city centre will also be increased. The proposal was first raised in a letter to the licensing board from Russell McLeod, Chairman of ATG, Aberdeen Taxi Group, in 2006 after a meeting of the ATG. The letter explains how the discussion turned to issues of general public safety. “One of the main problems in the city centre at weekends is the sheer volume of people who all converge onto the union street area at 3am, 20,000 is the police estimate”. The letter suggests a way of controlling numbers.
A curfew on nightclubs. Mr McLeod goes on to explain that other cities have introduced curfews in the UK and it has helped to “Considerably reduce flashpoints”. People queuing at taxi ranks and fast food shops who have been drinking often engage each other in drunken skirmishes, the letter explains. If the curfew came to exist it would give “More chance for police to patrol and control” and to reduce potential “flashpoints”.
Public safety is obviously high up on the tax payer’s agenda and as such the police and licensing board work together to minimize the dangers of alcohol to the general public. It’s understandable what the authorities are trying to achieve, however in my opinion it will not go down well or work the way they hope. Let’s look at this logically. Drunk people have all the worst qualities of toddlers.
Demanding, selfish, greedy and confrontational, is it really a good idea to tell them no? People who have dressed up in their expensive single use clothes, done their hair, splashed some designer scent on themselves in the hope of pulling and then splashed out on inner city drink prices at their favourite bar only to be told, at the interlude, at the door of the club that they are too late to be allowed in. They can hear the music blaring away, they can see people smoking outside the club, but it is thirty two minutes past midnight, so they are banned from finishing their night.
People would be angry, their night has been ended prematurely by a bouncer telling them no. Queues outside nightclubs would be packed from the clubs opening time until the curfew bell tolls. Police want to control and reduce “flashpoints”; they will create them outside every club, chippy and taxi rank in the city.
The disadvantages don’t end with surly drunkards roaming the streets spoiling the city centre at night for others though. Club’s business will suffer. Far less people will be admitted, so fewer drinks will be sold and very quickly the clubs will lose money and be forced to make cutbacks. The evening express estimate it will cost the city two hundred jobs over a year. In the initial stages of a recession this is not only unwise, it is unacceptable and unreasonable.
The pressure group Stop the Curfew has launched a petition online and has already had more than 3500 signatures from people in the Aberdeen area. They argue that the curfew will have a “detrimental” effect on the late night economy. “Will the city continue to attract young visitors and students, if there is little or no nightlife?”
The question people have to ask themselves in our silver city is; can we allow our council to undemocratically make a decision with such real and dangerous consequences? With a recession in full swing, unemployment at a record high in over ten years people will surely soon give their answer.
Anyone who has read George Orwell’s 1984 knows that words like the aforementioned are designed to restrict the liberties of citizens and a way of ruling by fear. The Gestapo and SS employed such tactics to suppress the populace throughout the Third Reich. During WW2 London had a curfew on the streets to keep people safe from the blitz. Northern Ireland had colour coded curfews in areas that were potential hotspots for sectarian violence during the troubles. Curfews are obviously only needed during times of extreme danger to the population of an area. So why is there a facebook group lobbying something called the Aberdeen Curfew?
As of September 2009 licensed premises throughout the city will not be allowed to admit anyone after half past midnight. Police presence in the city centre will also be increased. The proposal was first raised in a letter to the licensing board from Russell McLeod, Chairman of ATG, Aberdeen Taxi Group, in 2006 after a meeting of the ATG. The letter explains how the discussion turned to issues of general public safety. “One of the main problems in the city centre at weekends is the sheer volume of people who all converge onto the union street area at 3am, 20,000 is the police estimate”. The letter suggests a way of controlling numbers.
A curfew on nightclubs. Mr McLeod goes on to explain that other cities have introduced curfews in the UK and it has helped to “Considerably reduce flashpoints”. People queuing at taxi ranks and fast food shops who have been drinking often engage each other in drunken skirmishes, the letter explains. If the curfew came to exist it would give “More chance for police to patrol and control” and to reduce potential “flashpoints”.
Public safety is obviously high up on the tax payer’s agenda and as such the police and licensing board work together to minimize the dangers of alcohol to the general public. It’s understandable what the authorities are trying to achieve, however in my opinion it will not go down well or work the way they hope. Let’s look at this logically. Drunk people have all the worst qualities of toddlers.
Demanding, selfish, greedy and confrontational, is it really a good idea to tell them no? People who have dressed up in their expensive single use clothes, done their hair, splashed some designer scent on themselves in the hope of pulling and then splashed out on inner city drink prices at their favourite bar only to be told, at the interlude, at the door of the club that they are too late to be allowed in. They can hear the music blaring away, they can see people smoking outside the club, but it is thirty two minutes past midnight, so they are banned from finishing their night.
People would be angry, their night has been ended prematurely by a bouncer telling them no. Queues outside nightclubs would be packed from the clubs opening time until the curfew bell tolls. Police want to control and reduce “flashpoints”; they will create them outside every club, chippy and taxi rank in the city.
The disadvantages don’t end with surly drunkards roaming the streets spoiling the city centre at night for others though. Club’s business will suffer. Far less people will be admitted, so fewer drinks will be sold and very quickly the clubs will lose money and be forced to make cutbacks. The evening express estimate it will cost the city two hundred jobs over a year. In the initial stages of a recession this is not only unwise, it is unacceptable and unreasonable.
The pressure group Stop the Curfew has launched a petition online and has already had more than 3500 signatures from people in the Aberdeen area. They argue that the curfew will have a “detrimental” effect on the late night economy. “Will the city continue to attract young visitors and students, if there is little or no nightlife?”
The question people have to ask themselves in our silver city is; can we allow our council to undemocratically make a decision with such real and dangerous consequences? With a recession in full swing, unemployment at a record high in over ten years people will surely soon give their answer.
The Prince of Darkness
It is Sunday morning and most people are probably at the stage where leaving bed seems like an implausible task. For most, Saturday night is a night off time to relax, have a few friends round, go to the cinema, whatever. However last night, there was one creature for which this was not the case.
The creature opens one devious eye and makes an inspection of his lair. Not a soul in sight, save for the ones it keeps bottled on the shelves belonging to those he served before, now mere trinkets in its beastly career. The creature detaches itself from the keep and slithers quietly away from all light. He must prepare for the coming days wickedness that awaits him. For his master has need of him today. Things look grim for his master. Conspirator tried to dispose of him during the week. Blades were sharpened and passed under tables but the creature stopped the plotters from piercing his master’s frail form. The creature reads the intelligence gathered by its unholy minions in the night. What could be described as being similar to a smile... flutters across its repugnant, iniquitous face as it reads, but it is not a smile of joy or happiness. It is a smile that shows it now knows how to evade the angry mobs justice. Light breaks through the creature’s window and a minion calls up the stairwell to its master "Lord Mandelson? Your car is here"
I have no Journalistic source or evidence that Lord Mandelson is in fact the Lord of the Flies nor am I 100% sure that he has a chauffer to take him to and from the House of unelected spongers, but I reckon there is a pretty decent chance of both.
The way he operates is pure evil! I say that in the Shakespearian not Glaswegian vernacular. The web of "Mistruths" he spins is so elaborate that this morning on Andrew Marrs programme he actually made Mr Marr (a hero of the craft) forget half the questions he had asked him. Every single question was expertly answered, almost as if he was reading the mind of our Journalist in shining armour and was engaging the interview from two maybe three questions ahead.
The Right Horrible Lord Mandelson is as we all know being hounded by newspapers this weekend after some rather embarrassing emails found their way into the media. The controversy has come because last week while members of the cabinet began jettisoning from government calling for their leader to hang up his red rose; the one who defended him was the above mentioned fiend. The emails also above mentioned described the prime minister as being (in the creatures own words) “Insecure, self-conscious physically and emotionally, uncomfortable in his skin and angry.” A safe bet today will be that some information will be soon “leaked” somewhere that shows in secret that Lord Mandelson really thinks Gordon Brown is “Super cool, really confident, and in general a happy camper.”
I am not outraged and furious about the state of politicians in our country anymore. I am just bored and sort of worried about the way the public are reacting to them. Just letting everything slide. Where are the calls for a hung parliament? Why is the queen not saying this is not the kind of regime that deserves the title of Her Majesty’s Government?
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